Behind every strong man is a stronger woman....

I miss the children when I'm at work, I try keep work to what it needs to be but inevitably I have to work more than 40 hour weeks, I know that, my girlfriend knows that, its the way it is but I always try to rush home to see the kids before they go to bed, unless I'm working a late shift and then theres no chance as I don't finish until midnight.

I am envious of my beautiful girlfriend, although I know that she in return is envious of me. I envy her that she gets to be around the kids all day and do constructive things with them and create memories that they will learn to cherish and look back on fondly and cherish as she cherishes the time with them also. Whilst I am at work, don't get me wrong I enjoy my work and find it rewarding and challenging, but I enjoy spending time with my family more, naturally.

But I am also well aware that my girlfriend is also envious of me for the exact opposite, that I can go out and work and try build something for myself outside of the family home. That I am earning money and not reliant on government handouts that barely let you support your family if your a honest person as she is due to the system being flooded by chances who make it harder for the honest people out there. She misses as well an adult conversation during the day time and I can admit it that given we switched roles for a week I'd probably be dying to go back to work also, as she is.

It's been hard for her since going on maternity leave and I feel and worry about her everyday whilst I am at work. She has one child to contend with that can't communicate and another who due to our circumstances financially we can't allow regular time with other children her age. I know there is help out there but when you seek this help it's not a fast response and we are pursuing this help. It's funny because as soon as you owe money to an authority be it the council etc they hound you and make you feel guilty but when the shoe is on the other foot and you are trying to get the help and support they tell you you are entitled too they drag their feet like a meerkat in a desert!

I guess what I originally set out to say in this post and what has transformed into a rant is that I am very grateful for my girlfriend. She feels trapped some days and helpless like she can't cope, and I try everyday when I read her blog posts and talk to her while I am at work to put my feet in her shoes and understand what she's feeling and how she's coping. And I can say this despite what she says, and what she thinks of herself, shes doing a great job, I had the kids for one day and the littlest one ended up upside down in her pram and the eldest complaining that her hands were too cold! My girlfriend, does a fantastic job everyday and every time I come home the three girls have had a great day.

Thank you Pooh x

2011, what a rush!

So we have but less than 2 days of 2011 left, 2012 is just around the corner. For many of us that will mean New years resolutions, Diets, Fitness fads etc.

So in this blog piece I'd like to take one last reflection of 2011.

To me 2011 has been one hell of a year, its been hectic and so much change, but change for the good. To be honest 2011 has been one of the best in living memory to me.

As I was driving to work earlier today I was thinking, as I usually do. I quite enjoy my drive to work as I don't work in conventional times so I don't get stressed by rush hour traffic. Instead I get a nice drive, get to listen to the radio and collect my thoughts. As I was doing so this morning I was thinking about where I was this time last year, in a kind of review of myself.

This time last year I was single, living in a shared house with 5 other people, 2 of which were good friends of mine and about to move out themselves. Work was going ell but I was eager for change and wanted to get a promotion to prove I could step up. I never really set new years resolutions, In fact I set one about 3 years ago and have religious stuck to it ever since, I set myself the resolution to never set new years resolutions and that if I wanted to improve myself I'd just do it, rather than wait for a new year or new month or new week. So for 2011 I intended on keeping to that resolution and set myself the goal to ensure I'd get the step up I wanted from work.

2011 started like many other years, I went to a party to toast the year in and went home to my room in my house share alone. Little did I know that in just 6 weeks I'd meet someone who'd change my life forever. By mid February I went on a first date with a woman, She turned up to the date wearing flowery pants and I can remember thinking that she was quite different, she was confident and independent. As the night went on I enjoyed her company more so and though this was someone I really liked.

By another 6 weeks we were an official couple and expecting the birth of our first child together. This obviously shocked us, but we were happy and bracing ourselves for a future together. Add into the mix my, now girlfriend already having a 3 year old child and already 3months into the year my life had drastically changed, but changed for the good, I was happy and after introducing my girlfriend to my family I remember one of my sisters saying that her and my mother had noticed how happy I was, like they hadn't seen me for a long time.

Over the next couple of months came many events and getting prepared for our baby. Most notably moving in together in between going to various music festivals and BBQ's. Then in September I achieved my main aim of the year in getting a promotion at work. This was obviously great timing with a new arrival on the way.

Most importantly in this year though, in November was the birth of my first child and my girlfriends second. It was a special moment for us and going into the new year makes our family feel complete. If you've read my previous posts on this subject you'll know with how much pride and relief this gave me being at the birth and how much in awe of my girlfriend I am.

Looking back on this year makes me realise how much has changed, how much I've had to grow up and become responsible. I am very grateful and thankful for all the elements that went into this year. I only aim to make next year better by continuing on the work I've done this year, ensuring I'm successful both in the family front and in the work front.

I guess to wrap up 2011 I must say this, Thanks to everyone for reading my blog, I promise the next one won't be like some terrible review show that you see on TV at this time of the year. And most importantly thank you to my girlfriend whose blog you can read here. She has been fantastic this year to me and has helped me get through the Ups and downs and everything. Thank you @peagreengwin I'm so happy beyond words and it's all down to her and I look forward to the future with her ever more so but I am pretty darn happy with the present and don't want to wish away the time right now, Live for the present guys!

See you all in 2012.

Paternity, shamternity !

Change, it happens to all of us. Now I could easily write another post about how my life has drastically changed this year, from being a self minded singleton to drastically changing to being a father, a committed boyfriend and a responsible adult. But by writing a blog post about this I'd just be re-hashing what I've previously wrote.

Change is described as..... 1/ "to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone:"

This can be shown in my life recently as the birth of my baby daughter T. Now for those of you who read my blog last week, you'd know that 2 weeks ago was quite an emotional day and I'm so proud, and I still am, and can;t stop looking at my baby daughter with a sense of pride. I also can't stop looking at my girlfriend in the same look and smiling at her for what she had to go through.

The Change I want to write about this time however is about having to go back to work. Now as most guys know, paternity leave for Fathers is shockingly bad. I had 2 weeks off work. This is quite annoying and seems some what unfair for Dads. I don't to take anything away from mothers maternity leave etc as mothers do deserve longer than fathers, but I think for a father to only be able to take 2 weeks is shockingly bad. It's not my employers fault, as they have been extremely supportive and have enabled my leave to be flexible and relatively hassle free, its the government who need to address this problem. They constantly go on about a broken society and broken Britain, and broken family life. Well by starting at the basics and enabling families time to bond together in the right circumstances this might start to help address this problem.

I mean think about it, Fathers are expected to bond instantly with their child in 2 weeks and that everything with family life is back and in a routine in 2 weeks! Thats absurd! I mean how are you expected to get the mother and baby up to healthy, 100% feeling and into a routine in 2 weeks. Couple this in with the thousands of visitors you have in this time, its nigh on impossible.

I understand that when it comes to working the employer probably can't afford to pay for fathers to be off longer and the state can't afford fathers to be off for longer but surely there should be some sort of gradual plan to bring fathers back into working, like going back part time after 2 weeks then full time after a month would probably make a lot of dads more happier. Even more so, if you have multiple children.

In our case we have a 3 (nearly 4) year old, and a 2 week old baby. How is my girlfriend meant to cope by herself 5 days a week. We can't afford to send eldest daughter to nursery everyday, due to everything else in life raising costs. And we don;t have any family close by to help baby sitting duties etc so we are truly left on our own two feet. True there are lots of free clubs and play groups but these don't run everyday and convienant times or in convienant places for a mother who doesn't drive. Public transport isn't the best for singletons let alone for people with a pram and a toddler.

I do hope for all my readers this doesn't sound like me whinging and being shy of work, on the contory, I love my work and I work hard in my job, I just feel that, as Fathers we get a rough ride in this respect. I know mums will read this and think "oh dear god no change , having him round the house drives me crazy" But at least it shows that at the end of the day, now I've been back to work for the first time since the birth of my baby girl, I find it incredibly hard to be away from her, I mean look at these photos, how could you not find it hard to leave this.....