Unbelievable Jeff !

Sat here trying to think what to write for this weeks blog post and it's a bit challenging. I'm sat here as my girlfriend has gone for her first run post pregnancy. Eldest child is a sleep in bed, as to is the youngest. My laptop placed on my knee and Gillette Soccer Saturdays Christmas special is on T.V (Purely because I didn't get time to watch it over Christmas so I shall watch it now.)  I love watching the Soccer Saturday show, it makes me laugh and has all the highs and lows of football, the joy of winning and the sorrow of losing as well as the laughter of the banter between friends that you feel a part of , anyway back to my post.....

Everyday this year (I know we are only 6 days into it) I have updated my blog by participating in the 366 challenge, this has allowed me the chance to find an opportunity each day to take a photo and post it on my blog. So far I've took a photo of myself with a basket on my head, a few of my daughter, a mad face that I drew and a photo of my M&M sweet dispenser, (the missus says this item is ruining her peaceful and ideal dining room.

I'm finding doing this challenge as I term it great, I am eagerly always looking for a great photo to shoot and uplaod, to capture a unique moment in the day with my camera and then think of a quirky pun for each photo.

This makes me think, I have always enjoyed taking photos and upload them on Facebook / Twitter etc and have always enjoyed looking through them on my laptop and getting them printed out and framing them. Today through the post came a leaflet about adult courses taking place at a local school....hang on them thoughts for one of moment please Chris Kamara is just on screen singing, its always a cry with laughter moment when he's on screen.....

Unbelievable Jeff ! Anywho as I was saying a leaflet came through the door about adult learning courses. My girlfriend has always been looking at these to do and for something to do. I noticed they had photography courses and I admit it would be nice to do something like this, I guess the reason why I'm writing about this partly because I have nothing else to write about but, also if I've wrote it and published it then I will have more emphasis to do it.

So for 2012 I am not going to write some resolution on how I want to better myself, if I want to do that I don't need to wait till the start of a new year, week or month I'll just do it. My challenge to myself this year is to improve myself in something I enjoy doing, I am going to do a beginners photography course, just something for me to enjoy and hopefully get good at. 

Anyway the missus has just came back from her run, panting, breathless and saying, "I'm F@#£ing Knackered" guess she enjoyed her run, or at least I hope it was just a run ;)

Paternity, shamternity !

Change, it happens to all of us. Now I could easily write another post about how my life has drastically changed this year, from being a self minded singleton to drastically changing to being a father, a committed boyfriend and a responsible adult. But by writing a blog post about this I'd just be re-hashing what I've previously wrote.

Change is described as..... 1/ "to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone:"

This can be shown in my life recently as the birth of my baby daughter T. Now for those of you who read my blog last week, you'd know that 2 weeks ago was quite an emotional day and I'm so proud, and I still am, and can;t stop looking at my baby daughter with a sense of pride. I also can't stop looking at my girlfriend in the same look and smiling at her for what she had to go through.

The Change I want to write about this time however is about having to go back to work. Now as most guys know, paternity leave for Fathers is shockingly bad. I had 2 weeks off work. This is quite annoying and seems some what unfair for Dads. I don't to take anything away from mothers maternity leave etc as mothers do deserve longer than fathers, but I think for a father to only be able to take 2 weeks is shockingly bad. It's not my employers fault, as they have been extremely supportive and have enabled my leave to be flexible and relatively hassle free, its the government who need to address this problem. They constantly go on about a broken society and broken Britain, and broken family life. Well by starting at the basics and enabling families time to bond together in the right circumstances this might start to help address this problem.

I mean think about it, Fathers are expected to bond instantly with their child in 2 weeks and that everything with family life is back and in a routine in 2 weeks! Thats absurd! I mean how are you expected to get the mother and baby up to healthy, 100% feeling and into a routine in 2 weeks. Couple this in with the thousands of visitors you have in this time, its nigh on impossible.

I understand that when it comes to working the employer probably can't afford to pay for fathers to be off longer and the state can't afford fathers to be off for longer but surely there should be some sort of gradual plan to bring fathers back into working, like going back part time after 2 weeks then full time after a month would probably make a lot of dads more happier. Even more so, if you have multiple children.

In our case we have a 3 (nearly 4) year old, and a 2 week old baby. How is my girlfriend meant to cope by herself 5 days a week. We can't afford to send eldest daughter to nursery everyday, due to everything else in life raising costs. And we don;t have any family close by to help baby sitting duties etc so we are truly left on our own two feet. True there are lots of free clubs and play groups but these don't run everyday and convienant times or in convienant places for a mother who doesn't drive. Public transport isn't the best for singletons let alone for people with a pram and a toddler.

I do hope for all my readers this doesn't sound like me whinging and being shy of work, on the contory, I love my work and I work hard in my job, I just feel that, as Fathers we get a rough ride in this respect. I know mums will read this and think "oh dear god no change , having him round the house drives me crazy" But at least it shows that at the end of the day, now I've been back to work for the first time since the birth of my baby girl, I find it incredibly hard to be away from her, I mean look at these photos, how could you not find it hard to leave this.....

T minus 3 days and counting......

So it's finally here, we are within our last week of pregnancy (hopefully) 3 days to be precise until the baby, our new addition to our little family is due. I'm sure many fathers can relate to this post. By what I am about to write I  hope I don;t sound like I'm whinging, quite the opposite, I can't wait to be a father and understand my girlfriend has had to deal with so much and love her deeply so for going through it all.

This week, this time is very scary, and horrible but as equally, weirdly, exciting. You may notice the words there, lets break them down. Firstly scary, why is this time scary? Well any day now, I will be a father for the first time. I am solely responsible, as well with my partner for the health and well being of another. This child will look up to me need me to care for it, feed it, bath it, cloth it, all round be responsible for it. This can be quite a scary though, couple that that the first couple years of the child's life it can't actually tell me what is wrong. I've looked after and worked with children before but they have always been able to communicate with me verbally, telling me when they needed feeding, when they weren't feeling well. For these reasons alone this time is scary as the ticking clock draws nearer.

However it is also scary to know that soon enough my girlfriend will be screaming all sorts of obscenities towards me accusing me of doing all this to her, and then knowing that in some way she will be plotting her revenge ;)

Ok so the next word, Horrible. Why is this time horrible? For this sole reason, and I hope other Dad's felt like this. Picture the scene, your sitting comfortably on the couch with your heavily pregnant loved one. She then winces in pain, you jump up saying are you ok? is it contractions? shall I get the car ready, already halfway out the door with your jacket on clutching the hospital bag that resembles something more like you used when you went bag packing for 6 months, than a simple bag to take to the hospital. Your girlfriend then smiles and goes no, I just had a pain in my big toe. At this point the man wants to say, I don't care about your big toe, I thought you were going into labour!!!!! This time is also horrible as everytime you are not with your partner and your phone starts ringing you are again, halfway out the door with your coat on just to realise the person on the other end of the phone is someone trying to sell you a credit card or something, and you have to muster all your strength to politely tell them where to go.

Lastly exciting. Well this needs no real explanation. It is such an exciting time to know that any day soon, our baby who my girlfriend has carefully looked after and loved and had to carry around for the last 9 months will be here ready to meet everyone, meet her eagerly waiting big sister and her nanny and Nana and grandpa's and most importantly in my eyes meet me, My girlfriend has had 9 months getting to know the baby and feels this fantastic connection, and even though I often speak to the baby and feel its twists it turns and its kicks and punches, I will feel an even deeper connection when I get to hold my child in my arms for the first time and see there little face, this will make all the times I've jumped towards the car and revenge my girlfriend will throw at me all worthwhile.

But then you think, I've passed my DNA on to an unsuspecting world, what have I done......

AKA....What A Life!

Working the other day, I was tidying my desk, clearing out some old things. Then I came past an old work diary. As I quickly checked it I saw my year planner and it hit home to me just how much my life has changed in the last year.

Just last year these were the things I was planning/spending my hard earned money on:

• Holiday to Dallas (by myself)
• Leeds Festival Tickets
• Glastonbury Tickets
• Hotels for weekends away for lads weekends
• Liverpool Tickets for most home games.
• Beer
• CD's / DVD's
• The latest PS3 Games

Fast forward a year and this is what my money largely goes on now:

• Rent
• Bills (Gas,Electricity/Water)
• Council Tax (A major gripe of mine)
• Food
• Petrol

It's when I see this vast difference it hits home to me. Now I'm not complaining, in fact I am overjoyed at the prospect of soon becoming a Dad (and by soon I mean it's T - 6 days and counting until Bumps due date) But it was interesting to see this huge difference, it's not like I still don't enjoy myself, and don't spend money on myself or treat myself, it just seems that within the short space of a year I've matured dramatically and actually became something I've been putting off for years, a responsible adult, well most of the time, as I sit typing this I am watching Thundercats on T.V , not because my girlfriends 3 year daughter (who I recently managed to convert into the world of Thundercats) is sat in the living room, as she is staying at her Nanny's this week, but because I want to watch it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this, although on paper this time last year my plans for life and what I spent my money on and did were interesting and seemed great, I wouldn't trade it for what I have now. I'd love to one day when the kids are older and grown up to re pack my travelling bag and go travelling with my girlfriend and explore the places I haven't yet seen.

I enjoyed what seems like a previous life travelling, going places by myself and generally wasting my money and being selfish on myself, but now I have 3 other people to think of before me, 3 people who I dearly love and when I've had a hard day at work seem to make it all worth while, plus I'm looking forward more to the adventure that ensues ahead of successfully raising a healthy family.

So it's T-Minus 6 days until baby is due, my next post will focus more on the looming worries of Fatherhood! Tick Tock goes the fatherhood clock......