Day65 The Boss

Today there can only be one picture for the caption of the day, it is this.....

The boss's, Bruce Springsteens new album, Wrecking Ball. I love the Boss, all his music is great, I find it hard to critise any of his songs, each one tells a story, a picture of events, many within and larger tale on an album. Whatever your mood the Boss has a song to reflect, and, when I'm often listening to him in the car I can't help but sing along at the top of my lungs. The Boss is often my Kareoke song of choice, specifically Born To Run. You can't beat seeing him power slide across the stage and belt out any of his songs.

I can't wait to see him live again this summer, although it will be different seeing him and the legendary 'big man' Clarence Clemons not being there, I am sure the Boss and the E-Street band will ensure his memory lives on in their music.

1,2,3 Tramps like us, Baby we were Born To Run..........

What it means to be Dad...

Over the last week I've been thinking....

I was stood in the kitchen washing the dishes (Shock horror a man doing the dishes) I can't confess that well and eldest ER was being abnormally cute. As I watched her prance around singing and pretending to be an adult it hit further home that I'm now a Dad and how much I enjoyed it. TV is only just 2 months old and so far (knock on wood) isn't any trouble, she sleeps through the night and enjoys falling sleep on me, something I at the moment Cherish as much as possible as I know one day this will stop and she will eventually be too embarrassed to be seen with her Daddy let alone fall asleep in my arms.

The truth is no matter what I do in life nothing will ever compare to being Daddy. I want my children to call me Daddy for as long as possible, I don't look forward to the day when it gets shortened to Dad, as my children will always be the frail little creatures that look up to me and rely on me to feed, clothe and bathe them. To nurse them to sleep and to kiss any bumps or bruises better.

I look forward to each activity in the day that allows me to be Daddy, I look forward to every hug and cuddle from my girls and embrace each one as if it was the last. Every chance I get to read the bed time story or take the kids to bed I enjoy as I am aware that one day the girls will be too old for this and won't require me to make sure I leave the big light on as they are scared of the dark (even though as Dad I do the Dad thing and worry about the waste of electricity)

I miss the children when I'm at work, I try keep work to what it needs to be but inevitably I have to work more than 40 hour weeks, I know that, my girlfriend knows that, its the way it is but I always try to rush home to see the kids before they go to bed, unless I'm working a late shift and then theres no chance as I don't finish until midnight.

Each day I have off I cherish to spend time with my daughters and their mummy to ensure we create happy and enjoyable memories for the girls to look back on and share in the future. And naturally I worry about they girls when I am not around and even scare myself at the thought of what would happen if something bad as to happen to me, but I try snap out of this quickly and focus on the here, the now and the positives and the happy memories we have created.

But most importantly I enjoy and cherish every time I see the girls smile and laugh and I feel sad every time their mummy sends me a picture message/tweet of them smiling of laughing and I am not there and have missed it in person.

My three girlies (2 Daughters plus mummy) are my world, my life and each day I can only try but make them as proud of me as I am of them.

Day 46: A nice sceanery

Often my pictures turn out to be about an event of the day,something we did as a family or more often or not a picture of the girls. Last week with all the snow there was lots of beautiful scenery I could and should of took a picture of. However Winter can still be beautiful without the snow. Today's picture is of that itself.

When I was a boy (now I sound really old saying that) I use to enjoy going out on my bike for a bike ride. I lived in a small town with lots of countryside around it and I enjoyed riding my bike down country lanes past green fields and waving trees. Then when  I found the right spot I'd prop my bike up and sit and listen and think. Just sit there, letting seconds turn into minutes and before I knew it, it;d be time to get back on my bike a cycle home.

I often enjoyed this and although it might have sound a look weird a 13 year old child doing this it helped me. I had a great upbringing, nothing to be sorry for or worry about. No real issues. I just occasionally, as I do now in adult life prefer my own company at times. I just like to sit and think, try to gather my thoughts, plot where I am going, but also just let my mind wander. Theres never been any set sequence to getting through my thoughts just sit at a nice quiet space with no distractions, nice scenery and think.

Now as most parents tell you, the capacity to do this grows less due to the wants and needs of family life and work life. My thought process is often restricted to toilet breaks, which I have grown fond of over time. But one day I will dust my bike off and go for a bike ride by myself and pick a spot just like today's picture where I can go, listen to the birds chirp and sing, hear the wind rustle the leaves, smell the fresh grass and take in all that I see and just listen to the environment and to my thoughts and what my mind is telling me. I think this is an important part of life. People do meditation and yoga to relax, I guess this is my version of that, this is how I de stress.....

Day 43: A special day....

Today is the anniversary of a special day. You see a year ago today I had my first date with a very special lady. My OH Peagreen Gwin. Our first date happened in a mutual place, in Harrogate where we now currently reside together. It Happened in a Bar called Alberts. Neither of us knew Harrogate particularly well, we'd ask friends to suggest places to go and this was where we'd settled on. It was nothing fancy, we'd decided we'd keep it simple and meet for drinks, so we can converse with one another.

It was 2 days before Valentines, I'd got to the bar around 20 minutes early, I'd drove so I couldn't get myself drunk and make a fool of myself. I still remember how she looked when she walked in the room. She stood out from the great, so beautiful, so independent, strong and confident. She stood out (and not because she as walking floral carpet trousers) but because to me she as the most beautiful woman in the room. I couldn't take my eyes off her all night and loved every minute of that evening.

I remember we had a good night kiss as I waited with her for her taxi, I was nervous and she led the way in for the kiss. She confessed after that she thought I didn't like her because I didn't lead for the kiss but once I'd got home she knew I liked her as I sent her a text to say I hope she got home safe and that I'd had fun. What I've never told her is that from the night on, I've been crazy about her and have never stopped thinking about her. She is my world, and everyday I love her more and more. Thank you Peagreen Gwin.

Today doesn't mark our anniversary, this is just the anniversary of our first date. But it would be a significant date in our lives. Without this meeting I'd never had got to meet her daughter ER.....

And of course this night would have been the night when TV was a twinkle in her mummys eye as she was far from our thoughts.....

I am so lucky to have met this wonderful woman and I can't wait to celebrate our official anniversary and make many more happy memories. It's been a rollercoaster first year, everything has happened so fast and changed so much, but I have never been happier and it's all down to this wonderful woman, Thank you Peagreen Gwin, I love you so much xxx

Behind every strong man is a stronger woman....

I miss the children when I'm at work, I try keep work to what it needs to be but inevitably I have to work more than 40 hour weeks, I know that, my girlfriend knows that, its the way it is but I always try to rush home to see the kids before they go to bed, unless I'm working a late shift and then theres no chance as I don't finish until midnight.

I am envious of my beautiful girlfriend, although I know that she in return is envious of me. I envy her that she gets to be around the kids all day and do constructive things with them and create memories that they will learn to cherish and look back on fondly and cherish as she cherishes the time with them also. Whilst I am at work, don't get me wrong I enjoy my work and find it rewarding and challenging, but I enjoy spending time with my family more, naturally.

But I am also well aware that my girlfriend is also envious of me for the exact opposite, that I can go out and work and try build something for myself outside of the family home. That I am earning money and not reliant on government handouts that barely let you support your family if your a honest person as she is due to the system being flooded by chances who make it harder for the honest people out there. She misses as well an adult conversation during the day time and I can admit it that given we switched roles for a week I'd probably be dying to go back to work also, as she is.

It's been hard for her since going on maternity leave and I feel and worry about her everyday whilst I am at work. She has one child to contend with that can't communicate and another who due to our circumstances financially we can't allow regular time with other children her age. I know there is help out there but when you seek this help it's not a fast response and we are pursuing this help. It's funny because as soon as you owe money to an authority be it the council etc they hound you and make you feel guilty but when the shoe is on the other foot and you are trying to get the help and support they tell you you are entitled too they drag their feet like a meerkat in a desert!

I guess what I originally set out to say in this post and what has transformed into a rant is that I am very grateful for my girlfriend. She feels trapped some days and helpless like she can't cope, and I try everyday when I read her blog posts and talk to her while I am at work to put my feet in her shoes and understand what she's feeling and how she's coping. And I can say this despite what she says, and what she thinks of herself, shes doing a great job, I had the kids for one day and the littlest one ended up upside down in her pram and the eldest complaining that her hands were too cold! My girlfriend, does a fantastic job everyday and every time I come home the three girls have had a great day.

Thank you Pooh x

How to succeed in fitness

It's a new year and we all know what that means, endless talk fo new goals, a new year, a new you. Up and down the country thousands upon thousands of people are dusting off their gym kit that hasn't been used since last January and saying this year will be my year to get into shape, to get fit.

Yet the truth of the matter is that most don't, most fall by the wayside even before January ends and a few months later haven't got anywhere near there goals, may have even cancelled their gym membership as they realised their money was going to the gym but they weren't!

Any of this sound familar? It should do, those of you who have recently made the new years resolution ask yourself how many times you plan to go to the gym per week? Whats your answer, 3? 4? 5? days a week?

Recent studies have shown that the average member uses their membership only 0.9 times a week. Not even 1 visit a week. Thats a huge difference from when you tell yourself I'm going to the gym 3/4 times this week. Why does this happen then? Well it's simple people aren't being smart and realistic with their expectations and goals. So how can you avoid falling into your traditional yearly pitfall of failure in the fitness department? Follow these simple tips:

1/ Don't do it for anyone else but you:
Why do YOU want to get fit? What do you think fit is? Don't be bullied into getting a beach body because your favourite actor or singer has. Don't think that because it's your best friends edding you HAVE to lose weight. Do it for yourself. Events like holidays and weddings do help motivate you but what happens whe they have passed? What happens when its 2 weeks before the big event and you realise you haven't been to the gym and are nowhere near getting into shape? If you want to do then think about what fitness means to you and deep down why you want to get fit. Only then can you.....

2/ Set Realistic and SMART goals:
When setting goals always think S.M.A.R.T,
S= Specific -  Tone? No not right, what is tone? Specific is I want to have clear muscle definition in my arms, abdominals and quads.
M= Measureable - How are you going to determine you've been a success? I am a 36 waist I want to be a 32 waist.
A= Achievable - saying you want to be 10 dresses sizes slimmer by 2 weeks isn't achieveable, and by not achieving goals you become disinterested. Set yourself small goals to a bigger aim for example drop a dress size in 4 weeks.
R= Realistic - Becoming Mr Olympia within 2 months ain't gonna happen, think about what you want.
T= Time - Again wanting things to happen too soon will make you disinterested in what you are doing

3/ Seek professional help and advice:
Don't be scared Fitness coaches and Personal trainers don't bite. We don't sit in the staff room and laugh at people who ask us for advice, we do our job because we love what we do and are passionate about helping people, we get awfully big headed when we help someone towards their goals and reach them goals, we love it and live off it. So with that in mind ask us. Go to the right gyms and you won't even be charged for this help it's included in your membership. At my club a member is entitled to get a programme review from the fitness staff every 4 weeks as free, but only 2% of members take up this option.

4/ Plan and review:
Plan i your workouts, but also plan in your rest periods. If you have a 9-5 job great, but many people don't so try and plan your workouts around your work / sleep patterns. Remember a workout doesn't have to last 1 hour, if you are smart in your training not time wasting you can do an effective workout in 25 minutes, so theres no excuse.
It's also important to review what you are doing on a regualr basis to ensure you don't get stuck in a rut and keep doing the same thing, the Humany body (as cheesy as it may sound) is a fantastic thing that can quickly adapt and will figure out what you are trying to do, so in other words confuse the hell out of your body, it may hurt the next day but thats a sign your body is working hard.

5/ Enjoy:
If I had a £1 for everytime someone said they don't like the treadmill I'd be rich. Yet people still think they need to use the treadmill. If you don't like it why are you doing it? How many times have you gone to the gym and cut something short or skipped it entirely or made it easier because you don't like it or find it boring? Gym's nowdays have many different pieces of kit and classes, try something different, there are plenty of options and as long as you ask a professional they will be able to adapt it and make it work for YOUR goals.

I hope these tips help you get to your goals and make for a happy 2012 in fitness. Please feel free to follow me on Twitter or contact me through the blog for any further help of advice.

Paternity, shamternity !

Change, it happens to all of us. Now I could easily write another post about how my life has drastically changed this year, from being a self minded singleton to drastically changing to being a father, a committed boyfriend and a responsible adult. But by writing a blog post about this I'd just be re-hashing what I've previously wrote.

Change is described as..... 1/ "to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone:"

This can be shown in my life recently as the birth of my baby daughter T. Now for those of you who read my blog last week, you'd know that 2 weeks ago was quite an emotional day and I'm so proud, and I still am, and can;t stop looking at my baby daughter with a sense of pride. I also can't stop looking at my girlfriend in the same look and smiling at her for what she had to go through.

The Change I want to write about this time however is about having to go back to work. Now as most guys know, paternity leave for Fathers is shockingly bad. I had 2 weeks off work. This is quite annoying and seems some what unfair for Dads. I don't to take anything away from mothers maternity leave etc as mothers do deserve longer than fathers, but I think for a father to only be able to take 2 weeks is shockingly bad. It's not my employers fault, as they have been extremely supportive and have enabled my leave to be flexible and relatively hassle free, its the government who need to address this problem. They constantly go on about a broken society and broken Britain, and broken family life. Well by starting at the basics and enabling families time to bond together in the right circumstances this might start to help address this problem.

I mean think about it, Fathers are expected to bond instantly with their child in 2 weeks and that everything with family life is back and in a routine in 2 weeks! Thats absurd! I mean how are you expected to get the mother and baby up to healthy, 100% feeling and into a routine in 2 weeks. Couple this in with the thousands of visitors you have in this time, its nigh on impossible.

I understand that when it comes to working the employer probably can't afford to pay for fathers to be off longer and the state can't afford fathers to be off for longer but surely there should be some sort of gradual plan to bring fathers back into working, like going back part time after 2 weeks then full time after a month would probably make a lot of dads more happier. Even more so, if you have multiple children.

In our case we have a 3 (nearly 4) year old, and a 2 week old baby. How is my girlfriend meant to cope by herself 5 days a week. We can't afford to send eldest daughter to nursery everyday, due to everything else in life raising costs. And we don;t have any family close by to help baby sitting duties etc so we are truly left on our own two feet. True there are lots of free clubs and play groups but these don't run everyday and convienant times or in convienant places for a mother who doesn't drive. Public transport isn't the best for singletons let alone for people with a pram and a toddler.

I do hope for all my readers this doesn't sound like me whinging and being shy of work, on the contory, I love my work and I work hard in my job, I just feel that, as Fathers we get a rough ride in this respect. I know mums will read this and think "oh dear god no change , having him round the house drives me crazy" But at least it shows that at the end of the day, now I've been back to work for the first time since the birth of my baby girl, I find it incredibly hard to be away from her, I mean look at these photos, how could you not find it hard to leave this.....

Wrapped round her little finger

SPOILER ALERT - This weeks post may seem a little mushy, normal order shall be restored next week, I promise!

So it's been around a week since my last post, here did I leave off, oh yes thats right, my girlfriend was in excruciating pain as she as having contractions. Now as much as I'd love to go into the in's and out's of all the fine details about the labour and some of the events that occurred, I don't think it's too appropriate, purely because I have already discussed the events with my girlfriend and It has become clear that although privately between us we may laugh at certain things *cough* needle *cough* injection *cough* unpleasant place *cough* that these things should not be discussed openly in public, so I shall respect that.

So it's been one week on and gladly my girlfriend successfully gave birth to our beautiful baby daughter. Our daughter was born on Friday morning missing her daddys birthday by 5 hours and 34 minutes, meaning that we don't share a birthday but they are pretty close. I was present the whole time of the birth and saw my daughter come into this world face upwards rather than the traditional sideways view. I saw this little blue colour being come into the world like an exterestrial alien coming in to invade the planet. Infact thats quite a good comparison because aliens come to change peoples lives in the movies and conquer earth and nothing is ever the same again, and that is pretty much what babies do. My life previously was self centred focused on myself and now it has drastically changed to nappies, feeding, cuddling and more nappies.

As I started down looking at my daughter halfway into this world I was still unsure what this baby was as me and my girlfriend had opted not to find out the gender in the scan and spent the remaining 5 months or so having people say, "Oh what are you having" "Oh I couldn't not find out, I mean how can you get prepared properly" as me and my girlfriend grin through our teeth thinking theres more colours than blue or pink!

My daughter was born a healthy 6lb 14oz she was placed on my girlfriends tummy and as I looked at her she opened her eyes. From that moment I knew that this creature, no matter how small and harmless looking, has power over me for the rest of her life (although I'd like to keep that a secret from her for as long as possible) She already has Daddy wrapped round her little finger, and although she had at that point only just breathed and opened her eyes, I remain the proudest daddy in the whole world and will always be proud of this little one everyday of my life.

Fatherhood for me truly begins now, and I am looking forward to it. I thrive on doing anything I can with her and it will pain me when I return to work and have to spent 8 hours away from her! She along with her mummy and big sister are my world. I'd often say to my friends that when Liverpool won the Champions League in 2005, that was the happiest day of my life. That has now been relegated to the second happiest, as the birth of my daughter now holds first position, er wait I should probably say the day I met my girlfriend is actually second place relegated 2005 to third.

My girlfriend is truly remarkable for what she has done. I may have joked a lot and said anyone could do childbirth but they can't. Evey woman who does it is truly remarkable and I love my girlfriend ever so much for having to go through what she has. The outcome is truly beautiful our gorgeous little girl, and I'd like to say worth the pain she suffered. I will always look at my girlfriend in a different light for hat she has done and been able to do, and I'll love her forever for doing so

So my baby girl is nearly a week old, that week has gone way to fast and I can see the coming weeks, months and years going by even faster. I'll cherish each memory made with my children, take as many photos as possible, cherish every hug and kiss and I love you daddy as if it were the last, and I will set out on the path of my ultimate goal of being the best daddy ever. Because I may be proud everyday of my life of my daughter but I also want her to be as equally proud of her Daddy.

Sorry Hospitals don't except TARDIS'

One of my last blog posts titled T-Minus 3 days and counting was written just over a week ago. I sit here, quite tired so my ability to string together coherent sentances might make for interesting reading. Now many people might think its due to have the new born baby in our lives, but the answer to this is no, not yet, unfortunately.

The baby is now 5 days over due and our best laid plans of sending away sister had to reversed yesterday due to us missing her and not wanting her to feel shunned away and left out. Then it happened, not like you see in movies. My girlfriend started having what she originally thought ere painful braxton hicks, these kept coming until 3 hours later we decided to call the labour ward who called us in.

In this panic we had to wake big sister up, ring her grandad to meet us at the hospital to collect her and take her back. We then got to the hospital and after a few tests and a short wait we were told to go home and try rest a bit there, this would be for the best.

After a few hours, a few hours sleep for me , zero hours sleep for my girlfriend, we called up the labour ward again to say the pain was increasing etc, again we were brought back to the hospital and stayed for a few hours and were told we are in early labour, and were told the best place would be to go home again as this stage could take hours, or even days! (God I hope not)

Now theres always lots of jokes about child birth can;t be that bad etc, but after seeing what my girlfriend is going through, the regular shoots of pain and not being able to sleep due to this I say this, Hat's off women, its look excruiating! And the worst thing for me is having to see her go through all this and knowing theres nothing I could do, I just have to be there for her, and it feels like a massive cop out that I can;t do much else than time the contractions and get her water, I feel bad. Earlier today she said make it stop, inbetween these contractions, I said the only thing I could do was to try build a time machine and go forward in time to when the baby is born, if I could I would, I'd build the Tardis!

The great thing about my girlfriend is she actually apologised to me, you might say what the hell for and you'd be right, she said sorry because all this was happening on my birthday. I laughed and told don't be so daft, if the baby came today it would be fantastic, but it doesn't matter about my birthday all that matters right now is her and the baby. So I shall leave you on this cliff hanger, hopefully shortly enough she will be through the pains of labour and she will be blogging herself about our new arrival, till then I bid you farewell.

T minus 3 days and counting......

So it's finally here, we are within our last week of pregnancy (hopefully) 3 days to be precise until the baby, our new addition to our little family is due. I'm sure many fathers can relate to this post. By what I am about to write I  hope I don;t sound like I'm whinging, quite the opposite, I can't wait to be a father and understand my girlfriend has had to deal with so much and love her deeply so for going through it all.

This week, this time is very scary, and horrible but as equally, weirdly, exciting. You may notice the words there, lets break them down. Firstly scary, why is this time scary? Well any day now, I will be a father for the first time. I am solely responsible, as well with my partner for the health and well being of another. This child will look up to me need me to care for it, feed it, bath it, cloth it, all round be responsible for it. This can be quite a scary though, couple that that the first couple years of the child's life it can't actually tell me what is wrong. I've looked after and worked with children before but they have always been able to communicate with me verbally, telling me when they needed feeding, when they weren't feeling well. For these reasons alone this time is scary as the ticking clock draws nearer.

However it is also scary to know that soon enough my girlfriend will be screaming all sorts of obscenities towards me accusing me of doing all this to her, and then knowing that in some way she will be plotting her revenge ;)

Ok so the next word, Horrible. Why is this time horrible? For this sole reason, and I hope other Dad's felt like this. Picture the scene, your sitting comfortably on the couch with your heavily pregnant loved one. She then winces in pain, you jump up saying are you ok? is it contractions? shall I get the car ready, already halfway out the door with your jacket on clutching the hospital bag that resembles something more like you used when you went bag packing for 6 months, than a simple bag to take to the hospital. Your girlfriend then smiles and goes no, I just had a pain in my big toe. At this point the man wants to say, I don't care about your big toe, I thought you were going into labour!!!!! This time is also horrible as everytime you are not with your partner and your phone starts ringing you are again, halfway out the door with your coat on just to realise the person on the other end of the phone is someone trying to sell you a credit card or something, and you have to muster all your strength to politely tell them where to go.

Lastly exciting. Well this needs no real explanation. It is such an exciting time to know that any day soon, our baby who my girlfriend has carefully looked after and loved and had to carry around for the last 9 months will be here ready to meet everyone, meet her eagerly waiting big sister and her nanny and Nana and grandpa's and most importantly in my eyes meet me, My girlfriend has had 9 months getting to know the baby and feels this fantastic connection, and even though I often speak to the baby and feel its twists it turns and its kicks and punches, I will feel an even deeper connection when I get to hold my child in my arms for the first time and see there little face, this will make all the times I've jumped towards the car and revenge my girlfriend will throw at me all worthwhile.

But then you think, I've passed my DNA on to an unsuspecting world, what have I done......

AKA....What A Life!

Working the other day, I was tidying my desk, clearing out some old things. Then I came past an old work diary. As I quickly checked it I saw my year planner and it hit home to me just how much my life has changed in the last year.

Just last year these were the things I was planning/spending my hard earned money on:

• Holiday to Dallas (by myself)
• Leeds Festival Tickets
• Glastonbury Tickets
• Hotels for weekends away for lads weekends
• Liverpool Tickets for most home games.
• Beer
• CD's / DVD's
• The latest PS3 Games

Fast forward a year and this is what my money largely goes on now:

• Rent
• Bills (Gas,Electricity/Water)
• Council Tax (A major gripe of mine)
• Food
• Petrol

It's when I see this vast difference it hits home to me. Now I'm not complaining, in fact I am overjoyed at the prospect of soon becoming a Dad (and by soon I mean it's T - 6 days and counting until Bumps due date) But it was interesting to see this huge difference, it's not like I still don't enjoy myself, and don't spend money on myself or treat myself, it just seems that within the short space of a year I've matured dramatically and actually became something I've been putting off for years, a responsible adult, well most of the time, as I sit typing this I am watching Thundercats on T.V , not because my girlfriends 3 year daughter (who I recently managed to convert into the world of Thundercats) is sat in the living room, as she is staying at her Nanny's this week, but because I want to watch it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this, although on paper this time last year my plans for life and what I spent my money on and did were interesting and seemed great, I wouldn't trade it for what I have now. I'd love to one day when the kids are older and grown up to re pack my travelling bag and go travelling with my girlfriend and explore the places I haven't yet seen.

I enjoyed what seems like a previous life travelling, going places by myself and generally wasting my money and being selfish on myself, but now I have 3 other people to think of before me, 3 people who I dearly love and when I've had a hard day at work seem to make it all worth while, plus I'm looking forward more to the adventure that ensues ahead of successfully raising a healthy family.

So it's T-Minus 6 days until baby is due, my next post will focus more on the looming worries of Fatherhood! Tick Tock goes the fatherhood clock......