Dealing with stresses and strains

Many who read my blog will usually see how light hearted and family orientated it is, but this post is a little heavier. Many will know my OH and possible have read her blog over at peagreenpod many will know that she has been suffering since the birth of our child.

We've been trying to deal with these issues together and trying to get through it but this is easier said than done. Naturally there are good days and there are bad days you just deal with this. However help is not always what it seems, we have often grown frustrated as the so called help dwindles and twiddles it's thumbs, and the the other night I tried to research help for dads who have to support Post Natal Depression (PND) mothers and found very little offering help and advice. All I was looking for was advice and tips for Dads on how to support their loved ones but found very few websites offering this, and any that did offer advice and help were simply spouting the same things as commonly said, many that sounds that one person has written them years ago in one text book probably written when Freud was alive!

For those of you not aware of this advice it basically consists of a little practical support, such as helping around the house, can go a long way towards lifting there depression. Even the odd hour of babysitting, so you can have time alone. Being there for them and listening.

Now I'm not saying this advice isn't useful or helpful, it is, I just find it very frustrating that there isn't more help or advice for this, as it is very frustrating for myself when I am trying to help my OH go through what she is. You feel useless and powerless and all you want to do is make things better and you really don't know how. But to match this, you grow bitter and angry towards to so called help that is meant to be there for us.

We have recently had a Care Co-ordinator visit us a few times, only to seemingly drop off the face of the earth. OH had a call before an appointment to say her Care Co-ordinator wouldn't be visiting today due to sickness, which is fair do's everyone is entitled to sickness leave, I'm not angry at that. What I am angry at is that 3 weeks later we still had no contact from anyone, not the Care Co-ordinator or the office to offer someone else or see how we were coping, which is quite worrying. If they are meant to be a support network and help us get structured and on to a path health and happiness, then they have left us completely by ourselves to deal with it. As to say if they were our safety net from a fall then they buggered up cos my ass is hurting!

They promised a lot and have delivered very little, they promised us a support worker who would come visit and help set up activities for my OH to do with the kids etc. This was promised over 6 weeks ago and yet nothing has happened. They promised to help give us specifically my OH structure for her days and yet nothing has happened. Key information again missing. This is very worrying, my OH suffers from her condition to herself and has often questioned her existence, I'm sure there are many more woman who feel like this in the area, let alone country and it is worrying to think that they too are being given false pretences by this so-called support.

I know this post might sound like I am complaining and directing my frustrations all in one direction, and I certainly could have done more to avoid this situation, but who do you direct all your concerns in this area to? I want and will help my OH deal with this, and I will do whatever it takes to help, but I'm not ashamed to admit I need help in doing so. I want the help that is meant to be there but I will not allow it to offer us these false pretences and be very sceptical of it until it has followed through.

I feel there should be more out there to help fellow Dads in this situation, not specifically the support system failing but for Dads who have to support their OH going through with PND. I know its all important that in this situation we have to suck it up and do as much as we can and it's all about the mother getting better, I'm not trying to take that away. All I suggest is more information for Dads and even a kind of support group etc, after all Dad's in this situation need to vent too and to talk to other people in the similar situation or those who have previously experienced it that can help. That way we can help the mothers as much as possible and what works for one Dad might not work for another but it's worth trying isn't it? Theres obviously various different reasons for PND and different ways mothers feel it and cope with it, but the end goal for all is surely the same isn't it, to get the mother feeling better.

I'd love for anyone to comment and air their views, please tell me if you think I'm misunderstanding this whole situation, or whatever....

2011, what a rush!

So we have but less than 2 days of 2011 left, 2012 is just around the corner. For many of us that will mean New years resolutions, Diets, Fitness fads etc.

So in this blog piece I'd like to take one last reflection of 2011.

To me 2011 has been one hell of a year, its been hectic and so much change, but change for the good. To be honest 2011 has been one of the best in living memory to me.

As I was driving to work earlier today I was thinking, as I usually do. I quite enjoy my drive to work as I don't work in conventional times so I don't get stressed by rush hour traffic. Instead I get a nice drive, get to listen to the radio and collect my thoughts. As I was doing so this morning I was thinking about where I was this time last year, in a kind of review of myself.

This time last year I was single, living in a shared house with 5 other people, 2 of which were good friends of mine and about to move out themselves. Work was going ell but I was eager for change and wanted to get a promotion to prove I could step up. I never really set new years resolutions, In fact I set one about 3 years ago and have religious stuck to it ever since, I set myself the resolution to never set new years resolutions and that if I wanted to improve myself I'd just do it, rather than wait for a new year or new month or new week. So for 2011 I intended on keeping to that resolution and set myself the goal to ensure I'd get the step up I wanted from work.

2011 started like many other years, I went to a party to toast the year in and went home to my room in my house share alone. Little did I know that in just 6 weeks I'd meet someone who'd change my life forever. By mid February I went on a first date with a woman, She turned up to the date wearing flowery pants and I can remember thinking that she was quite different, she was confident and independent. As the night went on I enjoyed her company more so and though this was someone I really liked.

By another 6 weeks we were an official couple and expecting the birth of our first child together. This obviously shocked us, but we were happy and bracing ourselves for a future together. Add into the mix my, now girlfriend already having a 3 year old child and already 3months into the year my life had drastically changed, but changed for the good, I was happy and after introducing my girlfriend to my family I remember one of my sisters saying that her and my mother had noticed how happy I was, like they hadn't seen me for a long time.

Over the next couple of months came many events and getting prepared for our baby. Most notably moving in together in between going to various music festivals and BBQ's. Then in September I achieved my main aim of the year in getting a promotion at work. This was obviously great timing with a new arrival on the way.

Most importantly in this year though, in November was the birth of my first child and my girlfriends second. It was a special moment for us and going into the new year makes our family feel complete. If you've read my previous posts on this subject you'll know with how much pride and relief this gave me being at the birth and how much in awe of my girlfriend I am.

Looking back on this year makes me realise how much has changed, how much I've had to grow up and become responsible. I am very grateful and thankful for all the elements that went into this year. I only aim to make next year better by continuing on the work I've done this year, ensuring I'm successful both in the family front and in the work front.

I guess to wrap up 2011 I must say this, Thanks to everyone for reading my blog, I promise the next one won't be like some terrible review show that you see on TV at this time of the year. And most importantly thank you to my girlfriend whose blog you can read here. She has been fantastic this year to me and has helped me get through the Ups and downs and everything. Thank you @peagreengwin I'm so happy beyond words and it's all down to her and I look forward to the future with her ever more so but I am pretty darn happy with the present and don't want to wish away the time right now, Live for the present guys!

See you all in 2012.

Wrapped round her little finger

SPOILER ALERT - This weeks post may seem a little mushy, normal order shall be restored next week, I promise!

So it's been around a week since my last post, here did I leave off, oh yes thats right, my girlfriend was in excruciating pain as she as having contractions. Now as much as I'd love to go into the in's and out's of all the fine details about the labour and some of the events that occurred, I don't think it's too appropriate, purely because I have already discussed the events with my girlfriend and It has become clear that although privately between us we may laugh at certain things *cough* needle *cough* injection *cough* unpleasant place *cough* that these things should not be discussed openly in public, so I shall respect that.

So it's been one week on and gladly my girlfriend successfully gave birth to our beautiful baby daughter. Our daughter was born on Friday morning missing her daddys birthday by 5 hours and 34 minutes, meaning that we don't share a birthday but they are pretty close. I was present the whole time of the birth and saw my daughter come into this world face upwards rather than the traditional sideways view. I saw this little blue colour being come into the world like an exterestrial alien coming in to invade the planet. Infact thats quite a good comparison because aliens come to change peoples lives in the movies and conquer earth and nothing is ever the same again, and that is pretty much what babies do. My life previously was self centred focused on myself and now it has drastically changed to nappies, feeding, cuddling and more nappies.

As I started down looking at my daughter halfway into this world I was still unsure what this baby was as me and my girlfriend had opted not to find out the gender in the scan and spent the remaining 5 months or so having people say, "Oh what are you having" "Oh I couldn't not find out, I mean how can you get prepared properly" as me and my girlfriend grin through our teeth thinking theres more colours than blue or pink!

My daughter was born a healthy 6lb 14oz she was placed on my girlfriends tummy and as I looked at her she opened her eyes. From that moment I knew that this creature, no matter how small and harmless looking, has power over me for the rest of her life (although I'd like to keep that a secret from her for as long as possible) She already has Daddy wrapped round her little finger, and although she had at that point only just breathed and opened her eyes, I remain the proudest daddy in the whole world and will always be proud of this little one everyday of my life.

Fatherhood for me truly begins now, and I am looking forward to it. I thrive on doing anything I can with her and it will pain me when I return to work and have to spent 8 hours away from her! She along with her mummy and big sister are my world. I'd often say to my friends that when Liverpool won the Champions League in 2005, that was the happiest day of my life. That has now been relegated to the second happiest, as the birth of my daughter now holds first position, er wait I should probably say the day I met my girlfriend is actually second place relegated 2005 to third.

My girlfriend is truly remarkable for what she has done. I may have joked a lot and said anyone could do childbirth but they can't. Evey woman who does it is truly remarkable and I love my girlfriend ever so much for having to go through what she has. The outcome is truly beautiful our gorgeous little girl, and I'd like to say worth the pain she suffered. I will always look at my girlfriend in a different light for hat she has done and been able to do, and I'll love her forever for doing so

So my baby girl is nearly a week old, that week has gone way to fast and I can see the coming weeks, months and years going by even faster. I'll cherish each memory made with my children, take as many photos as possible, cherish every hug and kiss and I love you daddy as if it were the last, and I will set out on the path of my ultimate goal of being the best daddy ever. Because I may be proud everyday of my life of my daughter but I also want her to be as equally proud of her Daddy.

Sorry Hospitals don't except TARDIS'

One of my last blog posts titled T-Minus 3 days and counting was written just over a week ago. I sit here, quite tired so my ability to string together coherent sentances might make for interesting reading. Now many people might think its due to have the new born baby in our lives, but the answer to this is no, not yet, unfortunately.

The baby is now 5 days over due and our best laid plans of sending away sister had to reversed yesterday due to us missing her and not wanting her to feel shunned away and left out. Then it happened, not like you see in movies. My girlfriend started having what she originally thought ere painful braxton hicks, these kept coming until 3 hours later we decided to call the labour ward who called us in.

In this panic we had to wake big sister up, ring her grandad to meet us at the hospital to collect her and take her back. We then got to the hospital and after a few tests and a short wait we were told to go home and try rest a bit there, this would be for the best.

After a few hours, a few hours sleep for me , zero hours sleep for my girlfriend, we called up the labour ward again to say the pain was increasing etc, again we were brought back to the hospital and stayed for a few hours and were told we are in early labour, and were told the best place would be to go home again as this stage could take hours, or even days! (God I hope not)

Now theres always lots of jokes about child birth can;t be that bad etc, but after seeing what my girlfriend is going through, the regular shoots of pain and not being able to sleep due to this I say this, Hat's off women, its look excruiating! And the worst thing for me is having to see her go through all this and knowing theres nothing I could do, I just have to be there for her, and it feels like a massive cop out that I can;t do much else than time the contractions and get her water, I feel bad. Earlier today she said make it stop, inbetween these contractions, I said the only thing I could do was to try build a time machine and go forward in time to when the baby is born, if I could I would, I'd build the Tardis!

The great thing about my girlfriend is she actually apologised to me, you might say what the hell for and you'd be right, she said sorry because all this was happening on my birthday. I laughed and told don't be so daft, if the baby came today it would be fantastic, but it doesn't matter about my birthday all that matters right now is her and the baby. So I shall leave you on this cliff hanger, hopefully shortly enough she will be through the pains of labour and she will be blogging herself about our new arrival, till then I bid you farewell.