Life's a beach

Last weekend saw us embrace the sunny weather and hit the seaside with the kids. Although the weekend started with a sombre affair for my OH having to attend a family funeral it gave me time to look after the girls by myself, something I don't get much to do.

We decided this was the perfect opportunity to go shopping for mummy's mothers day and birthday pressies. We got our tools and started work, eventually we ended up making this rather nifty looking card for mummy....

The next day mummy again left me with the girls as she went to the salon to be pampered for her birthday. I fed the children whilst youngest decided to have a 3 hour nap straight after hampering our days activities. After this we headed towards Scarborough to grab a bit to eat before meeting up with mummy who looked very relaxed and refreshed after her mornings worth of pampering. We then headed towards the seaside, this was the first time youngest had ever been to the seaside, and the first time I've took eldest there. In Scarborough there's the old tram that takes you down, we opted for this route, although I can never remember going on this as a child myself....

As we reached the bottom if the hill we decided to nip into one if the arcades.....

But eldest was a little scared of them....

As we reached the seafront a thousand memories came flooding back. I hadn't been to Scarborough since I was about 10, but can remember walking along the seafront scaring my mum half to death thinking I've run off when I was busy playing on the games in the arcades trying to persuade her to give me some more money. We then went to get an ice cream, mummy insisted on going to a certain ice cream shop that she'd always go to as a little girl so we each plumped for our individual tastes, mummy went for a full lemon ice cream....

I went for a strawberry topped Ice cream....

And eldest went for a milk lolly....

Youngest didn't think much about daddy's ice cream....

And eldest didn't think much of mummy's....

But as we strolled along the seafront with our ice creams, in what then turned typical colder weather mummy then said, "oh wait, that's the ice cream shop!" she'd made us go to the wrong place, silly ! On our way back we let eldest walk along the beach which she enjoyed but myself and youngest had to walk on the Path as the wheels to the pram wouldn't move in the sand. So eldest was looking cute walking hand in hand with mummy....

As walking on the sand, the temptation is too great not to play with it and allow the small grains slip through her fingers so eldest must pick up the sand and throw it around, I'm just surprised she didn't get any in her eye....

And of course just was the girls get off the beach and back onto tarmac, they must get rid of all the sand that has collected in their shoes, after all we love the beach but we don;t ant to take it home with us....

On our way home both girls had a nice sleep as of course the day was long , and I couldn't resist but take a picture of eldest as she slept, she'll probably kill me for this photo one day when she's older....

We promised her another trip back to the seaside so she can build a sandcastle next time, that'll be interesting!

Dealing with stresses and strains

Many who read my blog will usually see how light hearted and family orientated it is, but this post is a little heavier. Many will know my OH and possible have read her blog over at peagreenpod many will know that she has been suffering since the birth of our child.

We've been trying to deal with these issues together and trying to get through it but this is easier said than done. Naturally there are good days and there are bad days you just deal with this. However help is not always what it seems, we have often grown frustrated as the so called help dwindles and twiddles it's thumbs, and the the other night I tried to research help for dads who have to support Post Natal Depression (PND) mothers and found very little offering help and advice. All I was looking for was advice and tips for Dads on how to support their loved ones but found very few websites offering this, and any that did offer advice and help were simply spouting the same things as commonly said, many that sounds that one person has written them years ago in one text book probably written when Freud was alive!

For those of you not aware of this advice it basically consists of a little practical support, such as helping around the house, can go a long way towards lifting there depression. Even the odd hour of babysitting, so you can have time alone. Being there for them and listening.

Now I'm not saying this advice isn't useful or helpful, it is, I just find it very frustrating that there isn't more help or advice for this, as it is very frustrating for myself when I am trying to help my OH go through what she is. You feel useless and powerless and all you want to do is make things better and you really don't know how. But to match this, you grow bitter and angry towards to so called help that is meant to be there for us.

We have recently had a Care Co-ordinator visit us a few times, only to seemingly drop off the face of the earth. OH had a call before an appointment to say her Care Co-ordinator wouldn't be visiting today due to sickness, which is fair do's everyone is entitled to sickness leave, I'm not angry at that. What I am angry at is that 3 weeks later we still had no contact from anyone, not the Care Co-ordinator or the office to offer someone else or see how we were coping, which is quite worrying. If they are meant to be a support network and help us get structured and on to a path health and happiness, then they have left us completely by ourselves to deal with it. As to say if they were our safety net from a fall then they buggered up cos my ass is hurting!

They promised a lot and have delivered very little, they promised us a support worker who would come visit and help set up activities for my OH to do with the kids etc. This was promised over 6 weeks ago and yet nothing has happened. They promised to help give us specifically my OH structure for her days and yet nothing has happened. Key information again missing. This is very worrying, my OH suffers from her condition to herself and has often questioned her existence, I'm sure there are many more woman who feel like this in the area, let alone country and it is worrying to think that they too are being given false pretences by this so-called support.

I know this post might sound like I am complaining and directing my frustrations all in one direction, and I certainly could have done more to avoid this situation, but who do you direct all your concerns in this area to? I want and will help my OH deal with this, and I will do whatever it takes to help, but I'm not ashamed to admit I need help in doing so. I want the help that is meant to be there but I will not allow it to offer us these false pretences and be very sceptical of it until it has followed through.

I feel there should be more out there to help fellow Dads in this situation, not specifically the support system failing but for Dads who have to support their OH going through with PND. I know its all important that in this situation we have to suck it up and do as much as we can and it's all about the mother getting better, I'm not trying to take that away. All I suggest is more information for Dads and even a kind of support group etc, after all Dad's in this situation need to vent too and to talk to other people in the similar situation or those who have previously experienced it that can help. That way we can help the mothers as much as possible and what works for one Dad might not work for another but it's worth trying isn't it? Theres obviously various different reasons for PND and different ways mothers feel it and cope with it, but the end goal for all is surely the same isn't it, to get the mother feeling better.

I'd love for anyone to comment and air their views, please tell me if you think I'm misunderstanding this whole situation, or whatever....

What it means to be Dad...

Over the last week I've been thinking....

I was stood in the kitchen washing the dishes (Shock horror a man doing the dishes) I can't confess that well and eldest ER was being abnormally cute. As I watched her prance around singing and pretending to be an adult it hit further home that I'm now a Dad and how much I enjoyed it. TV is only just 2 months old and so far (knock on wood) isn't any trouble, she sleeps through the night and enjoys falling sleep on me, something I at the moment Cherish as much as possible as I know one day this will stop and she will eventually be too embarrassed to be seen with her Daddy let alone fall asleep in my arms.

The truth is no matter what I do in life nothing will ever compare to being Daddy. I want my children to call me Daddy for as long as possible, I don't look forward to the day when it gets shortened to Dad, as my children will always be the frail little creatures that look up to me and rely on me to feed, clothe and bathe them. To nurse them to sleep and to kiss any bumps or bruises better.

I look forward to each activity in the day that allows me to be Daddy, I look forward to every hug and cuddle from my girls and embrace each one as if it was the last. Every chance I get to read the bed time story or take the kids to bed I enjoy as I am aware that one day the girls will be too old for this and won't require me to make sure I leave the big light on as they are scared of the dark (even though as Dad I do the Dad thing and worry about the waste of electricity)

I miss the children when I'm at work, I try keep work to what it needs to be but inevitably I have to work more than 40 hour weeks, I know that, my girlfriend knows that, its the way it is but I always try to rush home to see the kids before they go to bed, unless I'm working a late shift and then theres no chance as I don't finish until midnight.

Each day I have off I cherish to spend time with my daughters and their mummy to ensure we create happy and enjoyable memories for the girls to look back on and share in the future. And naturally I worry about they girls when I am not around and even scare myself at the thought of what would happen if something bad as to happen to me, but I try snap out of this quickly and focus on the here, the now and the positives and the happy memories we have created.

But most importantly I enjoy and cherish every time I see the girls smile and laugh and I feel sad every time their mummy sends me a picture message/tweet of them smiling of laughing and I am not there and have missed it in person.

My three girlies (2 Daughters plus mummy) are my world, my life and each day I can only try but make them as proud of me as I am of them.