Day 48; my past life....

Today I have been stuck for a picture. It's been tough, but then when I logged on Facebook I saw my picture. In years since gone that now seem like a lifetime away I worked at a summer camp. It was without doubt the best job I had being a camp counsellor, no-one except anyone who has done this job quite understands it or how much of a great job it is. You don't get paid well, but what you do get is a summer full of memories, lifetime friends and an experience you'll never forget. I still often speak and meet up with my friends from Camp but I'd love to have just one more summer in the job.

Day 47: making pigs

Today we have been preparing for eldest child's birthday this weekend. We are making a cake and do have started some work on it. The cake will be farm themed to go along with our visit to a farm on her birthday. Now I can not divulge how the cake will look until the big day but here is a sneak peek of the mischievous pigs....

What it means to be Dad...

Over the last week I've been thinking....

I was stood in the kitchen washing the dishes (Shock horror a man doing the dishes) I can't confess that well and eldest ER was being abnormally cute. As I watched her prance around singing and pretending to be an adult it hit further home that I'm now a Dad and how much I enjoyed it. TV is only just 2 months old and so far (knock on wood) isn't any trouble, she sleeps through the night and enjoys falling sleep on me, something I at the moment Cherish as much as possible as I know one day this will stop and she will eventually be too embarrassed to be seen with her Daddy let alone fall asleep in my arms.

The truth is no matter what I do in life nothing will ever compare to being Daddy. I want my children to call me Daddy for as long as possible, I don't look forward to the day when it gets shortened to Dad, as my children will always be the frail little creatures that look up to me and rely on me to feed, clothe and bathe them. To nurse them to sleep and to kiss any bumps or bruises better.

I look forward to each activity in the day that allows me to be Daddy, I look forward to every hug and cuddle from my girls and embrace each one as if it was the last. Every chance I get to read the bed time story or take the kids to bed I enjoy as I am aware that one day the girls will be too old for this and won't require me to make sure I leave the big light on as they are scared of the dark (even though as Dad I do the Dad thing and worry about the waste of electricity)

I miss the children when I'm at work, I try keep work to what it needs to be but inevitably I have to work more than 40 hour weeks, I know that, my girlfriend knows that, its the way it is but I always try to rush home to see the kids before they go to bed, unless I'm working a late shift and then theres no chance as I don't finish until midnight.

Each day I have off I cherish to spend time with my daughters and their mummy to ensure we create happy and enjoyable memories for the girls to look back on and share in the future. And naturally I worry about they girls when I am not around and even scare myself at the thought of what would happen if something bad as to happen to me, but I try snap out of this quickly and focus on the here, the now and the positives and the happy memories we have created.

But most importantly I enjoy and cherish every time I see the girls smile and laugh and I feel sad every time their mummy sends me a picture message/tweet of them smiling of laughing and I am not there and have missed it in person.

My three girlies (2 Daughters plus mummy) are my world, my life and each day I can only try but make them as proud of me as I am of them.

Day 46: A nice sceanery

Often my pictures turn out to be about an event of the day,something we did as a family or more often or not a picture of the girls. Last week with all the snow there was lots of beautiful scenery I could and should of took a picture of. However Winter can still be beautiful without the snow. Today's picture is of that itself.

When I was a boy (now I sound really old saying that) I use to enjoy going out on my bike for a bike ride. I lived in a small town with lots of countryside around it and I enjoyed riding my bike down country lanes past green fields and waving trees. Then when  I found the right spot I'd prop my bike up and sit and listen and think. Just sit there, letting seconds turn into minutes and before I knew it, it;d be time to get back on my bike a cycle home.

I often enjoyed this and although it might have sound a look weird a 13 year old child doing this it helped me. I had a great upbringing, nothing to be sorry for or worry about. No real issues. I just occasionally, as I do now in adult life prefer my own company at times. I just like to sit and think, try to gather my thoughts, plot where I am going, but also just let my mind wander. Theres never been any set sequence to getting through my thoughts just sit at a nice quiet space with no distractions, nice scenery and think.

Now as most parents tell you, the capacity to do this grows less due to the wants and needs of family life and work life. My thought process is often restricted to toilet breaks, which I have grown fond of over time. But one day I will dust my bike off and go for a bike ride by myself and pick a spot just like today's picture where I can go, listen to the birds chirp and sing, hear the wind rustle the leaves, smell the fresh grass and take in all that I see and just listen to the environment and to my thoughts and what my mind is telling me. I think this is an important part of life. People do meditation and yoga to relax, I guess this is my version of that, this is how I de stress.....

Day 45: Valentines Day

It would be pretty hard not to do today's picture about Valentines. In years since past it was always a day that passed me with no significance. But this year I not only have an incredibly beautiful girlfriend to celebrate it with but also two wonderful children.

Valentines is a day that I've always been a bit weary of as I don't believe you should need an excuse, a day to show your love to someone. That surely should be everyday. But I guess as long as you do keep valentines a regular occurrence in your everyday life there's nothing wrong with embracing this day as a little extra something.

So I awoke this morning to give my girlfriend some flowers, chocolates and some bath soaks, she reciprocated in cooking me a full English and craftily shaped the toast and egg into a love heart.

But what I also just realised is Valentines shouldn't just be for lovers but be for those you love in your life and my two girls decided to give me a picture of there hand prints. How cute.

Happy Valentines Everyone.

Day 44: cookery with eldest

Mummy and Eldest decided to make Chocolate biscuits today in the shapes of animals. This was probably a test run for making her birthday cake this week. First the dough was made and the shapes were cut....

Eldest particularly enjoyed eating the dough and as told several times to stop eating it otherwise there wouldn't be any biscuits to eat once cooked.....

Once the were all cut out they were placed onto the baking tray ready to put in the oven to cook....

Then some were decorated, ER decided to make a Rasta Snail.....

And then last but not least just before bed time, it was time to sit down with a home made biscuit, warm milk and a story. What a way to end a day....

Day 43: A special day....

Today is the anniversary of a special day. You see a year ago today I had my first date with a very special lady. My OH Peagreen Gwin. Our first date happened in a mutual place, in Harrogate where we now currently reside together. It Happened in a Bar called Alberts. Neither of us knew Harrogate particularly well, we'd ask friends to suggest places to go and this was where we'd settled on. It was nothing fancy, we'd decided we'd keep it simple and meet for drinks, so we can converse with one another.

It was 2 days before Valentines, I'd got to the bar around 20 minutes early, I'd drove so I couldn't get myself drunk and make a fool of myself. I still remember how she looked when she walked in the room. She stood out from the great, so beautiful, so independent, strong and confident. She stood out (and not because she as walking floral carpet trousers) but because to me she as the most beautiful woman in the room. I couldn't take my eyes off her all night and loved every minute of that evening.

I remember we had a good night kiss as I waited with her for her taxi, I was nervous and she led the way in for the kiss. She confessed after that she thought I didn't like her because I didn't lead for the kiss but once I'd got home she knew I liked her as I sent her a text to say I hope she got home safe and that I'd had fun. What I've never told her is that from the night on, I've been crazy about her and have never stopped thinking about her. She is my world, and everyday I love her more and more. Thank you Peagreen Gwin.

Today doesn't mark our anniversary, this is just the anniversary of our first date. But it would be a significant date in our lives. Without this meeting I'd never had got to meet her daughter ER.....

And of course this night would have been the night when TV was a twinkle in her mummys eye as she was far from our thoughts.....

I am so lucky to have met this wonderful woman and I can't wait to celebrate our official anniversary and make many more happy memories. It's been a rollercoaster first year, everything has happened so fast and changed so much, but I have never been happier and it's all down to this wonderful woman, Thank you Peagreen Gwin, I love you so much xxx