Thursday 1 March 2012

Dealing with stresses and strains

Many who read my blog will usually see how light hearted and family orientated it is, but this post is a little heavier. Many will know my OH and possible have read her blog over at peagreenpod many will know that she has been suffering since the birth of our child.

We've been trying to deal with these issues together and trying to get through it but this is easier said than done. Naturally there are good days and there are bad days you just deal with this. However help is not always what it seems, we have often grown frustrated as the so called help dwindles and twiddles it's thumbs, and the the other night I tried to research help for dads who have to support Post Natal Depression (PND) mothers and found very little offering help and advice. All I was looking for was advice and tips for Dads on how to support their loved ones but found very few websites offering this, and any that did offer advice and help were simply spouting the same things as commonly said, many that sounds that one person has written them years ago in one text book probably written when Freud was alive!

For those of you not aware of this advice it basically consists of a little practical support, such as helping around the house, can go a long way towards lifting there depression. Even the odd hour of babysitting, so you can have time alone. Being there for them and listening.

Now I'm not saying this advice isn't useful or helpful, it is, I just find it very frustrating that there isn't more help or advice for this, as it is very frustrating for myself when I am trying to help my OH go through what she is. You feel useless and powerless and all you want to do is make things better and you really don't know how. But to match this, you grow bitter and angry towards to so called help that is meant to be there for us.

We have recently had a Care Co-ordinator visit us a few times, only to seemingly drop off the face of the earth. OH had a call before an appointment to say her Care Co-ordinator wouldn't be visiting today due to sickness, which is fair do's everyone is entitled to sickness leave, I'm not angry at that. What I am angry at is that 3 weeks later we still had no contact from anyone, not the Care Co-ordinator or the office to offer someone else or see how we were coping, which is quite worrying. If they are meant to be a support network and help us get structured and on to a path health and happiness, then they have left us completely by ourselves to deal with it. As to say if they were our safety net from a fall then they buggered up cos my ass is hurting!

They promised a lot and have delivered very little, they promised us a support worker who would come visit and help set up activities for my OH to do with the kids etc. This was promised over 6 weeks ago and yet nothing has happened. They promised to help give us specifically my OH structure for her days and yet nothing has happened. Key information again missing. This is very worrying, my OH suffers from her condition to herself and has often questioned her existence, I'm sure there are many more woman who feel like this in the area, let alone country and it is worrying to think that they too are being given false pretences by this so-called support.

I know this post might sound like I am complaining and directing my frustrations all in one direction, and I certainly could have done more to avoid this situation, but who do you direct all your concerns in this area to? I want and will help my OH deal with this, and I will do whatever it takes to help, but I'm not ashamed to admit I need help in doing so. I want the help that is meant to be there but I will not allow it to offer us these false pretences and be very sceptical of it until it has followed through.

I feel there should be more out there to help fellow Dads in this situation, not specifically the support system failing but for Dads who have to support their OH going through with PND. I know its all important that in this situation we have to suck it up and do as much as we can and it's all about the mother getting better, I'm not trying to take that away. All I suggest is more information for Dads and even a kind of support group etc, after all Dad's in this situation need to vent too and to talk to other people in the similar situation or those who have previously experienced it that can help. That way we can help the mothers as much as possible and what works for one Dad might not work for another but it's worth trying isn't it? Theres obviously various different reasons for PND and different ways mothers feel it and cope with it, but the end goal for all is surely the same isn't it, to get the mother feeling better.

I'd love for anyone to comment and air their views, please tell me if you think I'm misunderstanding this whole situation, or whatever....


  1. I had no idea that peagreenpod was your other half. PND is a total bugger when it rears its ugly head - dads often get overlooked and have to cope with a lot of upset and aren't really supported :(
    I haven't any advice but I can give out hugs on demand *huggawugga*

    1. Thank you for the comment. Yes it's a tough time we are gladly having more good days than bad but I still feel many of the support network is lacking. It's all about Peagreen not me I get to vent on here